Please copy and post at every campground, RV park and gas station!

You know who you are, yes you, the inconsiderate. You naughty narcissists. You rowdy weekenders.

We’ve got some issues here:

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muzzle your mutt

-Barking dogs in the campground. We don’t get this one at all. It doesn’t sound cute, funny or anything but nerve wracking and serenity killing.  It ruins our chi or chakras or whatever. Don’t you hear it?  Don’t you realize we are all thinking up ways to kidnap those annoying yappers, and send them to Siberia on the slow boat with a hungry anaconda on board? Leave them with old, deaf Aunt Matilda for our sakes. By the way, we can still hear them even when they are inside your RV!!

-Speaking of that annoying, noisy dog- what about the deposits left by said pooch right by our campsite, ready for our flip flopped foot’s imprint as we blindly struggle to the bath house in the dawn’s early light?  Not cool, man!  Remember all those plastic bags you probably didn’t recycle?

-Not only are some dogs noisy, how about those migraine causing, bone snapping, head crushing ATV’s?   We’re fairly sure the law says they have to be 1,000 miles away from any RV park or tent area.  Are you that brain injured that you think it’s fun to do 334 laps around our small campground loop?  Do you enjoy being reviled, despised and otherwise hated by everyone?

-Why do we always have to do a tour of the campground before choosing a site? Otherwise we end up next to you mullet headed, beer swilling, loud/ hair band music playing, trash throwing, naked children screaming –family from hell who hunker down for the weekend, never leaving your campsite unless it’s to walk your barking, pooping dog or race around the campground on your un-muffled ATVs. Can’t you just do all that in your own backyard? Or did your neighbors pay for your campsite this weekend?

-Last week, we pulled into an electric only site, and the googly-eyed couple parked next to us were comfortably seated in their lawn chairs, drinks in hand…. Staring at us. They stared for a good two hours. We may be super cool in our groovy Roadtreks, but really?  Isn’t the family from hell on the other side of your rig much more entertaining?  Especially since we closed our blinds?  You may have heard- there is this thing they invented a long time ago called the alphabet. Put together it makes words. These are put into another ancient invention called a book.  They are portable and great in a campground when there isn’t another thing called cable TV.  Quit staring at us. It’s creepy.

-Gas pumps are for everyone! Not just for you, who park at the only diesel pump in the county, fill your tank then lock up and go inside and eat lunch.  Hey!  We aren’t those googly-eyed people who like to sit and stare at your vehicle for two hours. We have places to go and things to see.  Please fuel up and move! Put that dang map down that you’ve spent 15 minutes trying to decipher, arguing with your significant other who is waving a soda, spilling it on the windshield you spent 10 minutes cleaning.  We’ll tell you where you are- you are at OUR PUMP!

Fuel up and move on, Please!

Fuel up and move on, Please!

– You folks who don’t use turn signals. We believe this really is the law. In all states.  For a reason.  And by the way, we are way bigger than your measly little Gremlin or Pinto so we won’t be the one in the ditch.

– Not only do we not like it when people text/talk on the phone while driving, it really brings out the Valdemort in us to see police doing it.       Seriously?

– And you cyclists should ride single file on the shoulder.   After all, you are even smaller than Gremlins and Pintos.  We have a super cool RV’s with a big engines and like to use them.  We are not those googly-eyed people who like to stare at your rear ends on your bike seats for 2 hours as you struggle up Lolo Pass.

-Lastly, you lovely people in your class A’s and C’s who bring giant smokers and BBQ grills and cook up huge, delicious, decadent meals, sending over mouth watering smells, while we’re clearly in your vision, staring googly-eyed, eating a can of  Spaghetti-O’s since we didn’t have time to stop at the food mart as we were staring at bicycles for 2 hours, going up the pass….Have some pity and bring us your leftovers… Since we can’t hear your considerate invitation to dinner, because we have earplugs in to mute the ATVs and the yapping dogs….